I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
