I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
