I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
