First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
