I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
