The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
