Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
