Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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