So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
