Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
