i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
