If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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