tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
