Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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