i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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