I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
