you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
