pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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