I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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