He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
