I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
