You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
