Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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