hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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