I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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