I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
