I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
