I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
