I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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