fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
