this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
