How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
