we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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