i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
