$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
