the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
