i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
