Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
