just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im holly from the hills drunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
