Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
