then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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