Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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