I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
