Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
