i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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