i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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