the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
