worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
