Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I deserve this hangover.
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