i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
