i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
