it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
