Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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