brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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