I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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