i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
