she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
