Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
and you fell through a lawn chair
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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