As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
