u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
