I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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