i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
