Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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