So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
